I've been reading Splitting by Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD and Randi Kreger. One of our local pyschologists stated that most High Conflict Divorces involve a personality disorder in at least one of the spouses, most commonly Borderline Personality Disorder. The authors explain that people with Borderline Personality Disorder use a defense mechanism called "splitting" where they see people as "all good or all bad, an extreme way of coping with confusion, anxiety, and mixed feelings. Spliting is especailly prevalent under stress, particularly the stress of breaking up with someone" they view as "critical to his or her emotional survival." They go on to list behaviors that can be exhibited by these persons in a divorce: 1) Hitting you or destroying your property; 2) Trying to keep you from leaving a room or the house; 3) Harassing you by phone or taking away your phone; 4) Hiding money; 5) Refusing to work; 6) Hurting the children; 7) Alienating the children; 8) Kidnapping the children; 9) Spreading rumors to your family and friends; 10) Using the court system to humiliate and control you; 11) Making false allegations of child abuse against you; 12) Making false allegations of domestic violence against you; 13) Making false allegations that you are alientating the children; 14) Making false allegations that you are hiding money; 15) Telling the court that you earn a lot of money but are unwilling to pay. (pages 17-18)
The authors state that you should take neither an agressive or passive approach to this behavior, but an assertive approach. They give examples of the assertive approach, including knowledg of the issues and not letting the person's traits drain your energy. The book explains these approaches in much detail.
Borderline Personality Disorder is:
A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
(1) frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.
(2) a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
(3) identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self image or sense of self
(4) impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.
(5) recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
(6) affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
(7) chronic feelings of emptiness
(8) inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
(9) transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms
Further information on Borderline Personality.
The authors state that you should take neither an agressive or passive approach to this behavior, but an assertive approach. They give examples of the assertive approach, including knowledg of the issues and not letting the person's traits drain your energy. The book explains these approaches in much detail.
Borderline Personality Disorder is:
A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
(1) frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.
(2) a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
(3) identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self image or sense of self
(4) impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.
(5) recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
(6) affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
(7) chronic feelings of emptiness
(8) inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
(9) transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms
Further information on Borderline Personality.
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