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Debra Vaniman Crawford, Law & Mediation Offices
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I Have Become A Hashtag!

7/4/2017

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I Have Become a Hashtag!

For several months a group of people and organizations have been engaging in an online attack against me.  The methods of the attack constitute posting false and misleading information about me on Facebook Timelines and Pages, Twitter, Yelp, Craigslist, Comments on my Blog, and Websites.  I believe I can identify the person who has initiated the attack.  

These people appear to be disgruntled litigants who have banded together.  It is reminiscent of Junior High ‘mean kids’ but it’s more widespread due to the internet.  

The cease and desist letter that I have written is available on this page where I discuss defamation and false light invasion of privacy.  Click Here for Defamation Page.  

I know many of you are the subject of both personal and private attacks and I understand how this feels.  What a different world we live in today!

#DebraCrawford #DebraVanimanCrawford #DebraAnnis

Contact us with any questions!  Debra

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Divorce Mediation or Divorce Litigation - Part Two

4/22/2017

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In our last blog post on this subject we explored two differences between a mediated divorce and a litigated divorce.  The first two differences we mentioned were 1) you can have a mutual decision about who is going to be the Petitioner and when the Petition is filed to begin the court portion of the divorce case; and 2) the parties can confer and even work together on doing the Disclosure documents (Schedule of Assets and Debts - FL-142, FL-150, and FL-140).  

In this blog post we are going to look at matters that may need immediate decisions made such as support and custody/visitation of the children.  When people are in transition from a married couple living together to two household units there are a number of matters to be figured out.  The issue that almost every couple has is the division of the incomes of the parties and the payment of the obligations.  In my mediation sessions, I ask the parties to ‘pencil out’ their expenses or anticipated expenses if they haven’t moved yet.  A good tool for this is page 3 - Expenses - of the Income & Expense Declaration.  That is a very basic list of expenses so you can also look at your expense records and see what you are spending your money on.  

This is a time of reckoning for both parties.  Often, if one of the parties doesn’t want the divorce and feels like a victim, the negotiation of how to allocate the income of the parties for short term living expenses and moving has an emotional charge on it.  Likewise, there are complex emotions surrounding where the children will spend their time.  These issues are best discussed with the mediator – a neutral third party, rather than preparing paperwork with (usually) ugly, hurtful, and emotional allegations.  These emotions are often said out loud to each other in my office, and often need to be said.  But this can be part of the process of the separation of the family and it is much safer to have them said in my office with the three of us than in court papers which are public documents where anyone can go to the courthouse and read them.       

When the parties reach an agreement on how to handle the finances and children for the short term, we can write out a temporary agreement.  We can adjust it as time moves forward and the circumstances of the parties change.  

This scenario is vastly different from the one in which the parties file motions with the court and put their often ugly and angry allegations about each other into public court documents.  There are often many court appearances to resolve even simple issues that can run into the thousands of dollars.  

We are here to help and answer your questions about the process.  

Contact Us to Learn More.

Email us at Debra@DebraCrawfordAnnis.com, or call us at 831-372-3900 or text us at 831-275-5291 (275-LAW1).  

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Our Free Consultations

4/16/2017

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​We offer free consultations.  We believe that this is a benefit to both you and the attorney.  In the consultation you have a chance to ask your questions about your situation and the attorney can explain the law and procedures that you will be facing in your situation.  Sometimes we can offer practical solutions that don’t involve going to court.  We can also advise you on the most efficient way to handle your case and explain how particular attorneys in our community work and what that will mean for your case.  

Another benefit of the free consultation is the opportunity for you to meet with Debra one on one so that you can get to know each other and see how you will work together.  A family law matter is a very personal matter and you must feel comfortable with each other.  Debra has been through a divorce and understands how emotional this can be.  It is sometimes surprising how emotional it is to be in the lawyer’s office even if you think you are ready for it.  We can offer ideas to help you through this time – whatever stressful situation you are facing.  

As an attorney and a mediator, Debra can explain what the effect of each method of proceeding will have on your case.  Debra can also analyze your situation and help you decide which method will work best for you.  

Debra explains the different ways we help people – mediation, full representation, and ‘unbundled services’ which can be anything from document preparation to helping you prepare for court.  

One of the biggest advantages that Debra offers is practical solutions to your case.  While some attorneys will advise you to run to court, Debra may help you communicate with the other party in a more effective manner to avoid the extra fees.  Debra can also advise to as to whether, given your history with the other party, court may be your only solution.  

Contact us via email f you want to take advantage of your free consultation with Debra. 

831-372-3900; Toll Free 800-248-2218; Text 831-275-5291 -- 275-LAW1

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Divorce Mediation or Divorce Litigation? - Part One

2/25/2017

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What's the difference between divorce mediation and divorce litigation?  (Part One in a Series.)  This is a question we answer often.  The exploration of this question is crucial to your decision making process as to how you approach your divorce process.  The most important difference is that you get to decide the pace at which you proceed.  You also get to decide the order that you complete the basic steps of the dissolution process.  

We outline the three (3) basic steps of the dissolution process in our Divorce Flow Chart.  It should be noted that the additional and often onerous steps of motions for temporary orders are not included in this flow chart as they are not used in mediation where we reach the temporary agreements for items such as custody, visitation, support, debt payment, and living arrangements in our office instead of having a Judge decide for you.  

In a litigated case, you start by filing the Petition and having the Summons issued by the court.  The other party is then "served" with these papers.  This usually creates an emotional response in the non-filing person.  Even when you are expecting the paperwork, being "served" and actually having the papers in hand creates an emotional response.  You are now the "Respondent" and the other person is the "Petitioner."   It is even more highly emotionally charged when you are not expecting the paperwork.  The person being served is put into a defensive position.  This leads to much anxiety and often a more severe response than may be necessary.  They hire a "mean" lawyer who will "go for the jugular" and make the case way more expensive in terms of legal fees than is necessary.  The person filing (Petitioner) then has to respond in kind and off you go on the "scorched earth" policy which burns through money and is emotionally destructive. 

 [The person that files the case is the Petitioner – as they are Petitioning the Court.  The other person is the Respondent – as they are Responding to the Petition.]  See Before You File from our DIY book CalDivorce123, A Client’s Guide to California Divorce for more details.] 

To the contrary, in a mediation case the two of you decide together when to file the case and who the Petitioner will be.  While this can still be highly charged, it is a mutual decision and so the emotional charge is less and noone is “served” out of the blue.  Often the person instigating the divorce will be sensitive to the other person's feelings as to the timing.  This creates a sense that they are working together and not against each other.  The parties fees a sense of control about their divorce process.  In a litigated case, the parties often feel out control.  I think we can all agree that it’s much better to feel in control of your divorce process.  

One of the most onerous parts of the divorce process is what we call Step Two -- the exchange of the Preliminary Declarations of Disclosure.  This is a required  process and most people procrastinate completing it -- it can be a great deal of work and inconvenience.  In a divorce mediation, we often start with this step so the parties can be thinking about what assets and obligations they have that need to be divided before they even file with the court.  An important part of this paperwork is page three of the Income and Expense Declaration which is the expense page.  We ask the parties to use this as a worksheet for deciding how the incomes of the parties will be allocated so that each of them can maintain their lifestyles as close to the Marital Standard of Living as possible.  This way the parties can be planning the next phase of their lives.  By working together in deciding how the resources of the parties are going to be allocated the parties are again in control of their finances instead of having a Judge decide where the monies are going.  

This is part one in a series.  We will post the next part soon.  We hope this has giving you initial insight into the differences of a divorce mediation versus divorce litigation.

If you have any questions, please contact us.  

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Alternate Dispute Resolution

5/4/2016

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Alternate Dispute Resolution

    With conflict running rampant in our World, let’s think about some alternative methods of resolving lawsuits. Instead of the “scorched earth” method of trial by judge and/or jury, there are gentler methods available for dispute resolution. These are called alternative dispute resolution (ADR) and they substitute the processes of arbitration and/or mediation for traditional litigation.  

    Arbitration is like a miniature trial where an “arbitrator” – usually a retired judge or practicing lawyer – decides the outcome of the case typically based upon written statements of witnesses and the testimony of the parties. In a binding arbitration, the decision of the arbitrator becomes the judgment of the court. In a non-binding arbitration, either party can ask for a new trial (trial de novo) within the time prescribed by law. However, if they fail to do so within that time, the decision of the arbitrator becomes the judgment of the court. The cost of arbitrating a case is less than taking the case to court, but the arbitrator makes the decision – not the parties. This leads us to an even more cooperative method of dispute resolution:  mediation.  

    Mediation is where a “mediator” – who may be a retired judge, lawyer, psychologist, or other professional mediator – meets with the parties in order to help them reach a mutual agreement regarding the outcome of the case. The goal of mediation is for the parties to reach an agreement which is satisfactory to them.  Mediation can last one session or can go on for many sessions in a complicated matter. If there is a factual dispute the parties cannot resolve without outside expertise, they can agree to hire a neutral expert to make a determination, such as a business valuation, in order to facilitate settlement. A skilled mediator can help parties negotiate innovative and satisfactory results. Mediation can be accomplished without the parties directly speaking to each other with all contact done by the mediator if necessary. If an agreement is reached in mediation, it can become a court order or be confidential at the agreement of the parties.  

Questions?

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First Amendment Protections?

3/28/2016

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​    With the recent verbal fireworks surrounding the primary process, it is interesting to look at the First Amendment and what is and is not protected speech. Many people just spout words thinking everything is protected by the First Amendment.  This is not the case. 

    My focus was “hate speech” which we are hearing a great deal about.  Hate speech IS protected by the First Amendment, it may, however, be a crime.  Additionally, if the hate speech constitutes “fighting words,” it is not protected.  Fighting words are speech that may be used to inflame someone and that will likely result in physical retaliation.  This can include words that can incite violence or encourage the commission of illegal acts.  To see whether words are “fighting words,” we ask whether an average person would view the language as being inherently likely to provoke a violent response.  So, Hate Speech is protected by the First Amendment unless it can be categorized as Fighting Words.  Be careful – just because it’s protected by the First Amendment doesn’t mean it’s NOT a crime.      

    Another category of speech that is NOT protected by the First Amendment is Defamation – Slander and Libel.  This is making false statements about someone, particularly in their business which may damage their reputation.  This is another big topic in the election.  If a statement is true, the person against whom the statement is made cannot sue as it isn’t defamation.  This is the old adage, “truth is a defense.”  If the statement is false, however, the publisher of the statement can be sued and damages awarded to the injured person.  

    Other non-protected speech is child pornography, copyright violations, and certain threats.  

    The First Amendment is a much litigated topic and is one of the paramount principles of our great nation.  

    Contact us.  

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March 28th, 2016

3/28/2016

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Divorcing a High-Conflict Personality

2/19/2013

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Divorcing a High-Conflict Personality


I just ran across an enlightening article on HuffPost Divorce by Virginia Gilbert, MFT.  I have been counseling individuals and couples in connection with their divorces for almost 30 years and I find it tragic  that people who were once fond enough of each other to marry, and often create children, can become so bitter and embattled.  Ms. Gilbert's tips are:

1.    Minimize contact.  She points out that high-conflict personalities thrive on battle.  I've heard them referred to as "anger addicts."  She advises to keep contact to a  minimum and to have any communication in a written form.  


2.     Keep your feelings to yourself.  She states that high-conflict personalities are "bullies."  They beat you down by making you angry and attacking you.  Whatever response you make will invite further attacks.  Don't react!  

3.     Plan for the worst.  While well-adjusted people "move on" with time, high-conflict personalities do not.  Prepare for a long siege and protect yourself as well as you can with documentation to rebut what will be coming your way.  

4.     Never admit a mistake.  In normal circumstances, accountability is the best policy.  With a high-conflict personality, it will not create a more amicable relationship, but be more fuel for the fire.  

5.     Stop trying to co-parent.  Attempts to co-parent with a borderline or a narcissist will keep you engaged in battle, with your children being the victims.  Ms. Gilbert points out that while you may feel  you are sending the wrong message to your children, you are actually protecting them by minimizing the conflict in their lives.  

Thanks to Ms. Gilbert for succinctly setting forth these guidelines.   
Click here to read the article.  

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Divorce Mediation Guidelines

10/17/2012

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Divorce Mediation Guidelines
The Mediator should be neutral.

The Mediation participants should be cooperative.

Each party should respect the interests and needs of the other party.

Neither party to a mediation should be pressured by the other party or the Mediator.

Each party should fully disclose all assets, debts and important information concerning the community property.

The mediation process should be efficient and consume less time than a contested divorce.

The mediation should be significantly less expensive than a contested divorce.

Any decisions by the mediation participants should be informed.

The results of the mediation should be fair to both parties.

The agreement resulting from the mediation should be understandable to the participants.

Contact Us For More Information. 

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Child Custody in Mediation

10/12/2012

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Child Custody is often the most difficult issue in divorce and separation.  Parents who are in pain and/or denial often are unable to put the best interests of their children first -- before their own hurt, anger, and need for retaliation.  The Mediation setting promotes greater understanding between the parents and increases their ability to see beyond their own issues to what is best for their children.  Mediation provides a forum for the parents to air their problems and issues without the involving the children directly. 

Prior to your Mediation session you should become familiar with child custody terminology and guidelines. 

Some reference material is attached for your information.  There is also information on Cal Divorce 123.

Child Custody Terminology.  Joint Custody, Physical Custody,  Timeshare. 


Child Custody Guidelines. 

Debra Crawford Annis Law & Mediation Offices
Historic Osio Rodriguez Adobe
380 Alvarado Street
Suite 202
Monterey, CA 93940
831-372-3900
800-248-2218 toll free

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    Debra Crawford Annis

    Attorney and Mediator.
    Family Law/Divorce.
    Monterey, CA.

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