May those whose hell it is
To hate and hurt
Be turned into lovers
Bringing flowers.
Shantideva, Eighth-century Indian Buddhist teacher.
In his book The Five Things We Cannot Change ... and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them, David Richo discusses the concepts of Retribution and Restoration. He points out that restoration (vs. retaliation) leads to closeness between the wounded and wounding people. He suggests using dialog instead of running from the conflict. He states that as adults we should know that losses happen sometimes and that we can survive them. A spiritually evolved adult, says Richo, "is not satisfied with the glee of retaliation but wants the joy of loving-kindness. ... The healthy psyche is inherently geared to release compassion when it sees pain and defeat, just as it releases forgiveness when it sees repentance." He defines repentance as contrition, amends, and a commitment to not repeat the offense.
Richo lists the following attributes of Retribution and Restoration (pages 37-38):
To hate and hurt
Be turned into lovers
Bringing flowers.
Shantideva, Eighth-century Indian Buddhist teacher.
In his book The Five Things We Cannot Change ... and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them, David Richo discusses the concepts of Retribution and Restoration. He points out that restoration (vs. retaliation) leads to closeness between the wounded and wounding people. He suggests using dialog instead of running from the conflict. He states that as adults we should know that losses happen sometimes and that we can survive them. A spiritually evolved adult, says Richo, "is not satisfied with the glee of retaliation but wants the joy of loving-kindness. ... The healthy psyche is inherently geared to release compassion when it sees pain and defeat, just as it releases forgiveness when it sees repentance." He defines repentance as contrition, amends, and a commitment to not repeat the offense.
Richo lists the following attributes of Retribution and Restoration (pages 37-38):
| Retribution aims at: Punishing the evil doer as evil Satisfying society's need for revenge Making someone pay Getting even Getting rid of a distrubing and dangerous presence Guaranteeing the safety of society at the cost of causing the aggressor to suffer, with no chance at rehabilitation Preserving the historical style of dealing with injustice (an eye for an eye) Maintaining the either ... or belief in a hell (eternal) or heaven Making sure the cycle of retalilation continues so that war can be justified End of story | Restoration moves toward: Seeking to heal the ignorance of the "evildoer" Harmony Having someone make amends Caring that a fallen brother or sister find redemtpion Correcting and then reincluding Guaranteeing the safety of society while being compassionate to the agressor's pain and helping the person recover his or her humanity Finding an exciting and more humanitarian solution to injustice Generating a belief only in purgatory or rebirth (temporary) and heaven or nirvana Ending the cycle of retaliation so that war will no longer be an acceptable solution Beginning of a dialogue |
The world would be a much better place if we could practice restoration instead of retribution. This is what mediators attempt to do.
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